I'm not one for reflection at prescribed times (or anything at appropriate times for that matter.) Yeah, today is the day for it, but that's not my style. Its 10 degrees outside, even the dogs don't want to go out. My fingers are even less cooperative than usual, so the guitar is just an exercise in frustration, so here I am, reflecting, at the prescribed time. I'm not trying to act like I'm above the cliché, oh far from it. I have made all kinds of specific goals and broad declarations in years past only to see them wither in the cold, and give up in the way too early sunsets. But I think I've just been thinking about it wrong. I've been trying to change myself and my situation, without changing my mind. I've been chasing this thread for a while now. I think it starts with asking myself questions, and accepting the answers for what they are. There's a kind of symmetry in the contradiction of challenging assumptions while trying to accept the world for how it is, and not how I want it to be, that appeals to me. This is not cynicism, I'm far more interested in finding the beauty in the rubble. I'm not trying to tell you how to get your house in order my friend, that is a task I am absolutely unfit for. I'm just admitting that my own could use some ordering, and musing on the path to get there. See, I think I have been thinking about it wrong. I started with answers and didn't read the questions. Here are a few questions I'm starting with:
Could I walk there?
It could do me good, provided that it's safe and that I have the time without creating stress for myself. Walking gives me time to slow my mind. It lets me focus on the rhythms of the world around me. Its good exercise. It works the kinks out in my muscles and my mind.
Do I care?
This one specifically concerns my reactions. Does my reaction reflect how I truly feel, or is it just a reflex to some arbitrary idea I'm holding on to? Am I reacting in a way that other people expect me to, for their comfort, to stay in the box I exist in for them?
To what end?
To me this one is the mother of them all. Is what I'm doing moving toward a purpose? Does it increase my understanding? Does it serve a greater good? Does it increase my health, happiness, security, or well being? Does it increase someone else's health, happiness, security, or well being?
That's enough questions for today, I have black eyed peas to eat. Happy, healthy and meaningful new year to you!